The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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