My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Operation Purity has been aborted
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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