i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
