i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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