I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
