A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
