She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
