it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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