i think i have herpe
just one?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
