I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
