i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
