remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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