I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is wine microwaveable?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
