Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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