you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
