I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
