if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
