I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
