I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
