We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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