She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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