just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I deserve this hangover.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
