out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
