I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize