So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
