you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
