i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
