He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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