took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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