he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
