Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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