eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
