All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
