I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
