Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
