We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
