Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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