As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
