I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
there is puke in my bra ... again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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