And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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