there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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