Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
