I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
