I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
