He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
