We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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