he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
