You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will be naked everywhere
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
