She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
