Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
