So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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