i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
